(Common Sense and Social Courtesy)
The following article was written by Ken & Lisa
P.O. Box 246, Alameda, CA 94501
All of us want to be successful as swingers. It
doesn't matter how often, with whom, where, or in what style we swing. One
of the nicest things about our lifestyle is that most of us relate to each
other with understanding, thoughtfulness, and common courtesy; just as we
ourselves wish to be treated. Think C.S.A.S.C. (Common Sense and Social
Courtesy). If you employ the following suggestions or adapt them to your
own situation, you should become a welcome participant.
1. BE COURTEOUS
Be aware that this is a lifestyle full of
insecurities, uncertainties and fears. Courteously is how we all want to
be treated - with kindness, thoughtfulness, understanding and sensitivity.
In essence, courtesy is our treating people the way we ourselves want to
be treated. Remember the Golden and Silver rules.
2. BE FRIENDLY
Whether or not you are personally interested in
swinging with someone, be polite. You never know, you may share many other
interests or you may meet that person again, and they may introduce you to
someone with whom you ARE compatible and do wish to share time.
3. RESPOND TO ALL INVITATIONS
RSVP means please reply to the invitation. It does NOT
mean reply only if you plan to attend. The most frustrating part of
hosting, be it a party, a group or another couple, is people who are
discourteous enough not to respond, PERIOD. Good etiquette and good social
courtesy DEMAND you respond, by either calling or writing to say yes OR
4. NEVER ARRIVE EMPTY HANDED
When you go to someone's home for a party, ask if
there is something you can bring. (it's amazing how many supplies, other
than food are used up at an average party.) If you are not going as a
couple, a house- gift is appropriate (and not necessarily wine.)
5. GO PREPARED
Take whatever you personally are going to need with
you. Carry a small overnight bag for lingerie or robe, hairbrush, comb,
toothbrush, cologne, intimate cleansing articles, condoms, etc.. If you
plan to stay over, sleeping bags or blankets and pillows are necessities.
Nothing turns a person off faster and more effectively
than an unclean body or un-fresh breath. Even if you shower and perfume
yourself before you leave home, it is always a good idea to freshen up
again when you arrive at your destination. It is amazing what time to
drive somewhere, stop for a bite, or whatever, can do or rather UNDO.
7. RESPECT OTHERS FEELINGS
Beware, not everyone is comfortable in all situations,
Keep your eyes open for signs that your partner, as well as others, is
relaxed and enjoying themselves. If someone is not comfortable, try
helping them over the rough spots. Remember, you were a beginner once
yourself. If it is obvious that things are not working out, remain polite
and courteous; but alert the host. Keep in mind that not all people feel
the same about things.
8. DON'T BE PUSHY
If you are interested in swinging with someone, let
them know in an inviting way; if they are interested, they will respond
positively. If they are not and say "No, thank you," do not ask WHY. No
amount of sweet talk or coercion on your part will change their mind and
will probably work against you. Everyone has the right to say "NO" at all
times, to anyone, without explanation. Do not ever forget that.
9. ONLY DO WHAT IS FUN FOR YOU
Do not allow yourself to become sexually involved with
anybody that you are not interested in. There is no reason to involve
yourself in a scene that you are not comfortable with. You are in the
lifestyle to enjoy yourself, so only do what you want, when you want and
with whom you want.
10. HOW AND WHY TO SAY NO
One of the basic etiquette's in swinging is the right
of anyone to say "No". Experience has taught most people that everybody is
not right for everybody else. Improper handling of a situation, can
however lead to a lot of hurt or very bad feelings. The swing world
accepts the premise that everyone has the right to say "No" to anyone at
anytime and it should be done with a simple "No thank you". Never give an
explanation, because that is what usually causes the problems and the
11. ALCOHOL OR DRUGS
Most of us do not use drugs, although some of us drink
socially. At times, a few drinks are nice to help you "relax". Over
indulging may hamper your physical abilities, as well as offend or turn
other people off to you. If you have to over indulge in order to
participate in swinging, you are involved in the wrong lifestyle.
12. PRACTICE SAFER SEX
It is up to us to protect ourselves as well as our
partners. With the present concern over sexually transmitted diseases such
as syphilis, gonorrhea, aids, yeast infection, etc.., the use of condoms
should not offend anybody. Anyone not willing to take this precaution is
acting selfishly and irresponsibly. You are not being accused of being
unclean, but simply someone wishes to provide you both with protection.
13. CALL TO SAY THANKS
Most people only use the telephone if they are going
to go somewhere. Lost seems to the social ambience of a 'Thank You Note'
or phone call to someone whose hospitality you enjoyed. It means a lot to
most people, and they will surely remember you when planning their next
event. Don't you like to be thanked?
14. BE GOOD HOSTS
When you have people coming to your home, try to
anticipate their needs: put clean sheets on the beds; keep plenty of clean
washcloths and towels available. Show your guests through the house so
that they will know where the bathrooms, kitchen, and other rooms are
15. ANSWERING ADS
All replies to an ad should be answered in two weeks
even if it is a No. Remember not all people you write to are interested in
you or your partners sexual heroics. A first letter should include a brief
description of yourselves, where you saw the ad, your ad number and your
social and sexual interests. An SAE should be included with your original
reply as many couples receive a large number of replies which can be
costly to reply to.
16. ENJOY YOURSELF
Most important, have a good time, act out your
fantasies, explore your own sexuality and enjoy everything this lifestyle
has to offer with enthusiasm, laughter and a positive attitude.